To keep the introduction less awkward and cliche, I think can summarize my ever messy self in these following 7 (I like number 7) pointers:
- I am a girl, 28 years of age, Vietnamese.
- I am bilingual. As in I think of myself as a sassy Northern Viet girl who thinks and speaks American-like English with somewhat noticeable Singlish accent (which I never tried to get rid of), I am always lost with words.
- I live for, well… love (cheesy as it seems, it is very true), writing, music, reading, pretty things, being excessively orderly and organized, and travelling in that order.
- I don’t think that I’m nowhere near mentally stable, and it is okay.
- I love pets, I have 3 cats and a bubbly Pomeranian puppy. And they are my world.
- I think I’m responsible for fixing the world and its people. I think this annoys people sometimes, but I don’t care.
- I have too much love for the world in general, I don’t know how to deal with it.
I’m writing my first blog post while listening to Taylor Swift’s “Getaway car” in her new album “Reputation”. Knowing me, it’ll be on repeat until I remember every word, every “uh huh”, every “ahhhh”. It is strange how I always find my life collides with hers. I don’t like it. I don’t know if it’s a thing about the 1989 kids, but I find my life too dramatic and eventful. I don’t like it, since I’ve always longed for simplicity and inner peace (oh please, Rosie).
Of course I am fully aware that I am nowhere near pretty, famous nor rich compared to her. Come one, she is Taylor Swift… I am just another regular 28 year-old girl who loves to write, and the mind of probably a savage 82 year-old English man. Well, I guess that’s not really “just another”.
Why writing? Simply put, I have so many things in my head, way too many it sometimes tires me. I feel like if I don’t write them down, my head is going to explode. I find the need to (please excuse the language) write the fuck down, and put them out for the world to see.
WordPress suggested that the first blog post is for me to share with the now non-existent audience why I started this blog. I could be wrong since I was not paying attention of the text, but you get the idea. Yes? No?
So here’s a little background story. I remember my Dad bought me my first diary when I was 10. We went to the bookstore together that evening, and he chose a rose-patterned, artificial scented little notebook for me to start writing. I think he knew I was a kid of millions thoughts racing through my head. I was a very secretive (and suspicious looking) kid growing up who always longed for his approval. It was never easy to verbalize my thoughts, and when I tried doing that, my parents would snap at me. I was upset back then since there was no one in the family I could talk to and I felt like a black sheep of the family (although I was doing pretty well at school) since I was “different”. It was probably a phase, or a lifetime curse. I had nothing much going on but waiting to get home to write in my diary back then.
I had an interesting childhood happy memories and suicidal attempts. And clinical depression, so I thought. And a lot of anxiety attacks and giving up on myself. They were mostly put in my diaries. I was writing in Vietnamese, until I found out that my Mom read it and told our relatives (or her friends) about what I wrote in the diary. As early as the age of 10, I felt that my privacy was violated. 3 years later, when I’d gathered enough vocabularies to express what I want to say, I never went back to Vietnamese.
Well, onto another note, if anyone has read Harry Potter, I think you’ll remember in the second installment of the series, Ginny was writing in Tom Riddle’s (oh the almighty and evil Lord Voldermort) diary, and given back replies from the he-who-must-not-be-named himself. I always thought of my diaries with that not notion, only I never needed a reply, I just wanted my childhood to be safely stored in the pages, and I could somewhat release the tensions I was going through at the time.
I think I succeeded.
I have a strong belief that if well-kept, my 28 year-old self would jump out from the screen as I will be scrolling though this blog in my 50s.
And out of your screen too. Hopefully.
Though my writings about everything and anything, of course.
See you through the words.
Welcome to my writing sanctuary, my “getaway car” from the ever blue reality.
“Nothing good starts in a getaway car” – said Taylor. And I totally agree.
Are you ready to get exposed with me?
(Here’s a picture of me in bed a while ago, looking so extra. I don’t even remember taking this picture… I think my efforts deserve some credit and should be presented somewhere)
December 11, ’17
– the sun is still shining bright upon me, and I decided not to give up on anything.