“Kill this love” (inspired by the title of a Blackpink’s song)

*I wrote this poem when I was dating a man that we both built some sort of a dependency around each other, and were both willing to move mountains just to be next to each other. With love like this, boys and girls, you MUST kill it fast and run away from it, shamelessly. Be it a romantic relationship, a friendship, a partnership, a work commitment. Leave in a heart beat even you’ll bruise in the process of doing it. Learn from me almost losing my sane self loving this man once upon a time… And #neveragain.

Toxic-relationships-signs-3

(Source: https://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/number-one-sign-of-a-toxic-relationship/)

From the masters of love, I have learnt

A best friend, a book, and the voice inside my head

It’s ok, settling in, then settling out

As in my favourite Korean drama, on the nuts and the crazies falling in love

“There’s no such thing as who’s the craziest

Who’s the one that speaks words that rhyme the most

And sitting next to each other is all we need

Add a person, or maybe five

We’ll make the meanest out of the means,

And forget altogether that it’s us who needs help
A smile, a hug, a kiss on the nose and forehead

And you being a rock, and shoulders that I can lean on”

– This was all I needed, and he said he was just… lonely.

“I love you with no pride, no complexities, no ego” – he wrote this

I believed his words, I really did

 

I did volunteer to drop all the games,

It was all me then, crooked and being a hot mess

What he was seeing is what he got,

He thought he was disposal to me, he was my everything,

I thought he loved me, he just pitied my sadness.

 

“Can you please help me do all the work now?

Cus my energy now is pretty dang slow,

And I refuse to move my ass and onto my work phone”

– We always talked to each other like that.

 

And I proceeded to write this to myself, and to him just in case we break up, and we did:

“I’ll start trying to stay longer in the bliss of ignorance

Well, if nothing works, I’ll just run

Do it all over again, and again, and again,

I’ll make sure to say hi if I bump into you,

I’m a woman of manners, remember?”

 

– we did have dinner a year and a half after our breakup. And it was confirmed I was right, leaving him.

It was suffocating just to be near to each other, although we have mad respect and real affection to each other. But enough was really enough.

For further reference on toxic relationships, also check these out:

Toxic relationship short film by Trevmonki

15 signs of a toxic relationship (Hey Sigmund)

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