*I wrote this poem when I was dating a man that we both built some sort of a dependency around each other, and were both willing to move mountains just to be next to each other. With love like this, boys and girls, you MUST kill it fast and run away from it, shamelessly. Be it a romantic relationship, a friendship, a partnership, a work commitment. Leave in a heart beat even you’ll bruise in the process of doing it. Learn from me almost losing my sane self loving this man once upon a time… And #neveragain.
(Source: https://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/number-one-sign-of-a-toxic-relationship/)
From the masters of love, I have learnt
A best friend, a book, and the voice inside my head
It’s ok, settling in, then settling out
As in my favourite Korean drama, on the nuts and the crazies falling in love
“There’s no such thing as who’s the craziest
Who’s the one that speaks words that rhyme the most
And sitting next to each other is all we need
Add a person, or maybe five
We’ll make the meanest out of the means,
And forget altogether that it’s us who needs help
A smile, a hug, a kiss on the nose and forehead
And you being a rock, and shoulders that I can lean on”
– This was all I needed, and he said he was just… lonely.
“I love you with no pride, no complexities, no ego” – he wrote this
I believed his words, I really did
I did volunteer to drop all the games,
It was all me then, crooked and being a hot mess
What he was seeing is what he got,
He thought he was disposal to me, he was my everything,
I thought he loved me, he just pitied my sadness.
“Can you please help me do all the work now?
Cus my energy now is pretty dang slow,
And I refuse to move my ass and onto my work phone”
– We always talked to each other like that.
And I proceeded to write this to myself, and to him just in case we break up, and we did:
“I’ll start trying to stay longer in the bliss of ignorance
Well, if nothing works, I’ll just run
Do it all over again, and again, and again,
I’ll make sure to say hi if I bump into you,
I’m a woman of manners, remember?”
– we did have dinner a year and a half after our breakup. And it was confirmed I was right, leaving him.
It was suffocating just to be near to each other, although we have mad respect and real affection to each other. But enough was really enough.
For further reference on toxic relationships, also check these out:
